6 Cinematic Duds that Struck Gold at Box Office

Like Moneyball’s Billy Beane would say it: There’s good movies, then there’s bad movies, then there is 50 feet of crap and then there’s movie massacres. However, those massacres turn into gold for their makers, simply owing to the fact that sometimes the audience reactions are programmed to the machinations. Some of these films are so bad that you might as well be left irreparably traumatized (pardon the dramatization).

So, here are the biggest blockbusters of recent years that cinematically were underdeveloped and overproduced:

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides’

Box Office Verdict: 12th highest grossing films of all time at the earnings of $1,045,713,802

Who’s to blame: Johnny Depp, who continues to nab us by our heart

Post Sweeney Todd, Johnny Depp hasn’t given us many reasons to get swayed over by his infectious charm. At least, his resume post 2007 has been disappointing to say the least. While flicks like Dark Shadow, The Rum Diary, Alice in Wonderland failed to impress us, ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides’ went on assaulting our cinematic sensibilities. Even Penelope Cruz felt awfully short on impressing us with her exotic charm.

Avatar

Box office verdict: Highest grossing film ever at the earnings of $2,782,275,172

Who’s to blame: Cameroon’s martial gadgetry and an overwhelming 3D shock and awe

Avatar was a surreal experience to watch in 3D. you have to give it that. but if ever script was a yardstick for measuring a film’s might, you are scrambling for reasons to justify your liking for this mega-billion production. James Cameroon successfully did what he does best, make movie making, and movie-watching an adventure. But, is Avatar worth a dime watching in 2D? Damn straight no! Abysmal script, below-par acting, uninspiring dialogues, everything takes a dive south.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Box office verdict: Sixth highest grossing film ever at earnings of $1,123,746,996

Who’s to Blame: You, the audience

Teenagers are left with gaping open mouths looking at those awful cars turning into cartoonish monsters. And it’s more of a case of a disastrous franchise striking gold rather than being abubt a bad movie that was hit at the box office. Michael Bay lives up to his reputation he has duly earned in a career that spans and boasts of duds like Pearl Harbor. If we didn’t have enough of those restlessly rambling action sequences, a barrage of appalling jokes were thrown in at us as well. One of the highest grosser, Transformer has been nothing more than a load of dirt.

Spiderman 3

Box office verdict: Earned $890,871,626 worldwide

Who’s to Blame: Spiderman-struck kids

What the hell was Sam Riami thinking? Assailing the movie with superhuman characters and confusing heroes for villains, the third installment of the hugely popular Spiderman series was chaos (for lack of a better word). When Tobey Mcguire turned up in a black costume, it promised a change. But soon things seem to have gone out of Raimi’s hand when he flooded the movie with supervillians and superheroes.

Twilight

Box Office Verdict: $3,345,177,904

Who’s to Blame: Call me a chauvinist, but who else than dreamy teen girls to be blamed

What should I say that has already not been said? All that can be rejoiced upon is the fact that the Twilight ordeal is over

Iron Man 2

Box office verdict: Earned $623,933,331 worldwide

Who’s to Blame: The flawed Robert Downey Jr. who has  us rapt to his perfection

2008 gave us a new kind of superhero. Laced with a quicksilver spirit, he was nippy, smart and a sucker for attention. And he was never short of bravado. Iron Man and Robert Downey Jr. are made for each other (we still believe so even after 2 duds in the series). And thus all the hoopla surrounding Iron Man 2 was justified. Did it deliver? In terms of box office, it rose to equal the fame of its predecessor, but for fans expecting something on the same lines as the first instalment, colossal disappointment was in store. Something that makes me curious is how Iron Man gets on board some of the most delicious choices for villains (Mickey Rourke, Sam Rockwell, Guy Pearce), and still manages to screw up the villainy of it all.

With a denatured assault on our cinematic sensibilities, the movies are meant to be miserable excuses for making loads of money. And be rest assured, this abysmal slew will keep coming in kinetically.

Rohit Raina

Rohit Raina

A writer by chance and leisurely on his way to become a writer by choice, Rohit is either ranting his ire out, or talking about the most inconsequential stuff around.
Rohit Raina
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