What Not to Wear, How Not to Get Dumped

Dear Men, we women have a crib. About how some of you dress. So do take note. Please.

If you’re wearing 3/4th ‘capri trousers’ on your vacation and teaming them up with pristine white sneakers and knee length socks, chances are you look like a dork. Do not for a moment think, you look cool and casual. Or trendy. The fact is you look like an overgrown, badly-dressed kid. And why would you want to do that, unless you are one?

Embroidered shirts make me wonder too. As do ironed jeans. Why would a man commit harakir knowingly? Please do us a favour and leave the embroidery to us. Agreed, we’ve stolen checks and stripes from you in our clamour to dress androgynously. But don’t, don’t punish us for that by wearing flower motifs, embroidered jeans or shirts and horror of horrors, neatly ironed jeans!

Trousers with creases that bunch up in the most embarassing manner? You should try looking at yourself, dude. It’s almost as if you have a permanent hard-on when you sit down. And whilst we know you’re excited to meet us, we’d appreciate some subtlety. So keep it flat front always. Or face flat rejection.

Butt-crack revealing trousers or jeans. Seriously, a no-no. You may be 16 or 26 or 36 or close to dying. But if you’re wearing trousers that show off the ugliest parts of your derriere to advantage, you’re giving us women a valid reason to dump you pronto. And listen to this too…just because you’re wearing Calvin Klein underwear, does not give you the right to showcase them either. So cover up, for goodness sake.

Our next crib is t-shirts. Both oversized ones and the too-tight-to-breathe ones. Both make us feel sorry for you. Either you look completely shoulder-less because your t-shirt arms are reaching the elbows. Or you look like a stuffed brinjal that’s struggling to burst and die.Also please do not wear ‘messages’ that make us feel you’re a wannabe rapist, thug or someone who has an over-inflated opinion of self. “My ex-girlfriend was a Super Model” is not a cool message to wear, unless you really did date a super model. Otherwise, you just end up looking delusional.

Jewellery. Very dicey, unless you’re a gay designer or an out-of-work stud. Most times, men with jewellery end up looking rather ridiculous. So steer clear unless you’re very sure or very confident.

Vests: Do understand they’re innerwear in the real world. So unless you’re a celebrity whose being paid lakhs to bear a shaved chest and flex those muscles, bade aaram se, you’d rather just be a normal bloke who wears them inside. If need be, at all. And please, please don’t come to the gym or the park wearing a vest that was meant for you five years ago. But has now lived its time.

So what’s a safe bet, you’d ask. A good pair of jeans or trousers or shorts, a white or a black shirt, checks or stripes, well fitted tees, sexy smelling cologne, neatly clipped nails and hair that we want to run our fingers through. Seriously, what’s not to like!

 Authored by Savita Nair

Savita

Savita Nair is an advertising copywriter who lives and works in Mumbai. When she is not travelling, she is writing about all things seemingly superficial and inconsequential. She is also the author of 45 ml – a collection of irreverent poems on love, longing and living a life not-quite-so-ordinary.
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One Response to What Not to Wear, How Not to Get Dumped

  1. parker says:

    Wow, this post is fastidious, my younger sister is analyzing these kinds of things, therefore I am going to tell her.|

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