5 Silly Assumptions that Advertisements Swear By

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.” Tyler Durden

Some advertisements just can’t keep the freakery in check. Going overboard is a norm for brands when advertising their products, and more often, we are just okay with the freakery. But, we can’t let them get away with it all the times. Certainly not when the following set of assumptions are being made:

We can’t eat without spilling food on our clothes, so we buy detergents and washing powders.

bad eating manners

We are not goddamn cannibals who would obliviously let all the blood spill onto our clothes while chewing someone’s guts out. We went to school. We learned manners.
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Alright, we forgot more than half of what we learned, but eating is not one of them. We can well and truly consume food in a way that it goes right into our mouth, without leaking out.

Men want to smell good coz that attracts pussy

seducing the women

Yes, our horny days do outnumber our sober days. Now, does that mean we would buy a bottle of deodorant with the fugazi optimism that pussies will be all over us, only for some sniffing pleasure? Damn straight, no!

Your car is always too small or unwantedly a caaaaar

longest car in the world

Nothing short of this would do

You swung for the fences and shelled a huge amount to buy your car, but its head space is still not spacious enough. People at the backseat will wince with discomfort for the lack of room and you might as well grab the prize for owning the tiniest car in town. Some even claim that small cars are dangerous. Or, it’s long enough to get you into arguments with the neighbours over how it does not give them enough room to park their puny little cars.
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So, what do you do? You buy the advertised car, and thereby, solve every damn problem of our dying planet.

Heavenly roads are everywhere. There is no such thing as traffic, especially if you take your new, slick car out on a ride

You are the chosen one. When you are gonna a new car, the roads will be your oyster.

The world will stop stepping out of their homes (even with your reliably and safely flawless driving skills). The roads will be devoid of any traffic or distractions, except only for a few bumps that lie there to assure you how smooth the new car moves. Advertisements on cars are most cringe-worthy.

Salads are orgasmically delicious

There is a whole science shit around how good salads are for our health, but that doesn’t explain the orgasmic expression they bring to the faces of our models featuring in the advertisements. The last I checked, my Johnson was still very much in a dormant state while I munched on cucumber and onion.

All said, some advertisements do deserve huge props (including the ones that are made on the above lines), but they also wear a lot of absurdity on their sleeves.

Rohit Raina

Rohit Raina

A writer by chance and leisurely on his way to become a writer by choice, Rohit is either ranting his ire out, or talking about the most inconsequential stuff around.
Rohit Raina
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